Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Traveling While Black. . . Race Matters. Part II

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The Struggle Continues



I was traveling a month back, for about 3 weeks. First, I went to visit a friend in Montreal and then over to New Brunswick and finally down to Providence, Rhode Island. I had a great time; the time away was well worth it. I am forwarding some hyper-links so you can check out my journey. You remember that blog I posted some years ago, “Traveling While Black, Race Matters?” Well that journey is still with me…. as much as I like to have a break from it all, I am forever confronted with the strange friendly dialogues with whites, which usually I find myself more puzzled and confused. I will give you one example. I was passing through this small in the state of Maine coming from Canada. In any case, I decided to take sometime before taking the bus to my next destination. I ended up having a beer and some Fish n’ Chips at a local tavern in town. While trying to enjoy my meal and my beer, there was this white guy, appearing to be in his mid twenties, college student, sitting next to me, asking the usual: where are you from, where are you going, what brings you here, your name, etc, which I am always delighted meeting new people. I don’t recall his name, but let’s call him Chandler!

The light conversation was pleasant for the most part, considering whenever I am traveling, I am more opened to diverse conversations, with limits, of course. While my short time at this local tavern was ending, Chandler then turned the conversation around about girls, hooking up, sex etc. Which normally I don’t have a problem with that, but from my experience this conversation dialogue switch is an indirect way to establish one’s sexual orientation. I just smiled while listening to his fairy-tales about other women and his stories of sexual adventures, though I should have at this point, told him that I also have a thing for women, which might had given him a sigh of relief or feeling calmed, but stating that was not important then or even now for that matter. So, after talking about his most recent girlfriend, he went so far to say that I must be lucky with the ladies, because according to him “black guys are really good getting women into bed. And if you were to stay in this town, with your luck, you could get with all the women in this town with your color!” At that point, I just smiled and lied by telling him that I was happily married. With the look of embarrassment, Chandler proceeded to ask if my wife was also black and if she were also good in bed (why would this guy know if I was good in bed in the first place?) I could have said that my wife was white and from Sweden, but even I didn’t go there. Chandler maintained a friendly tone to his voice and his mannerisms, but he finally got me to notice that it was time to leave, but he really had to know “if it was true that all black men have a large penis?” With time on my side, the waiter quickly got my bill, I paid in cash, left a tip, thanked the Chandler for the great conversation but “I gotta run!” Chandler probably didn’t get his answer and I felt sorry for the next black man who might stop into this bar.

I am writing about this experience because, as much as most people would probably concentrate on the racial aspect of this situation, which I would have at first, but fuck as much this was a disturbing conversation, which I run into frequently. However, it made me to think about how easily to be blinded to the racial homoeroticism among white men and their fixation with black male sexuality. From my experience, it seems that white men are more forward (in a joking way of course) about their curiosities about black men more so than white women. If they already fell into "Once you go black, you don't go back" theory, will they share that same story with Heather? This is not say nor do I care that these men are in the closet, either curious or bi-sexual, in fact, I don’t care if they were, as well as, I find it necessary to label their sexual orientation, unless they feel it is necessary to state the fact. The conversation defiantly had racial overtones, assuming that I seeking to test my blackness in order to have sex with white women, and my supposedly wife who is black and she's good in bed; and that I was lucky with my skin color with women. However, Chandler as well as like most white men fail to ask at least about any lucky into finding a job?! A place to live, where to go to school, where my parents can retire, and a friendly restaurant where I can eat in peace, a safe neighborhood, the list goes on. Instead, a black man’s luck is with his dark skin and his dark colored penis!

I told this same story to a friend of mine. His only suggestion was to avoid isolated white states. I had to tell him that it doesn’t matter if this situation happens in Maine to Montana or from Alaska to Arizona. Racism is not isolated in one place; sure if might be more out in the opened or better yet, not confronted as it would be in places like Los Angeles, New York or Chicago. But, even mentioning those cities, doesn’t mean that racism is not a problem in those places, it’s not just obvious within the police officers, but it’s obvious when it comes to residential zoning, etc. I would like your input to race and sexuality and I apologize if I just wrote excessively much.

La Legione di Resistenza

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