We've shared so much with one another, we cried to each other over the horrible things we've experienced in life. We shared stories and sat around many nights dreaming of the impossible and making these dreams come true. We speak not face to face but through cyber text trying to convey our emotions as we post up emotional characters to represent our feelings.
I want to see you, but you've become shy and unsure about meeting in the former world of air, dust, dirt, noise, people, emotions, hate and desire, the world we were born in. I want to take you back to a place where we could express our feelings by touching each other hands and faces with a kiss on your lips. You don't want to return to such a place. Instead, you want to express these same emotions through the cyber world, where you are safe from visual guilt, shame or anger, true visual happiness and sadness. I don't want to see your body as an image, i want to touch it.
I don't want to desire your digital self, i want to see you and touch you. Don't call my cell phone! I don't want to hear your voice on this convenience........I want it how it used to be, the convenience of touch and smell. You say we need more time and that you aren't ready. Its been years and I am growing tired of your world of screen names and visual text. You say that one day, our love will be real. The real for you is a place trapped with wires, hi-speed connections, passwords, edit, spell check, insert emotion, back button, grammar check, upload pictures, send, forward, delete, compose, only in the end receiving a message from MAILER-DAEMON telling that such email does not exist.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
A true story of a sad reality
So you went out into the world, meeting new, exotic people, eating healthy foods, tasting unique, great wines and beers. You felt alive, sexual, brave, healthy and full of energy to only return home to the States for what? To be lonely, sad, depressed and without the possibility of getting together with someone. Because, once people figured out that you haven't accepted the sad reality that you should be miserable and down like everyone else, you are quarantined like a virus and isolated from the masses as though you have commented the greatest crime known, you found peace and you will be punished for it.
You suddenly become a stranger in your hometown. You try to keep an upbeat attitude even a positive attitude only to find yourself getting frustrated trying to maintain that smile of yours, trying to maintain that sense of freedom and independence you've learned being away from home. You spend your days and nights alone, your cell phone is not ringing, your door bell is never rung and you check and re-check your emails every hour to every half-hour to every twenty minutes to ten minutes to five minutes to three minutes to two minutes to one to seconds until you stayed glued to the screen in front of you, hoping that something will change in your sad life. But nothing has changed?
Soon, you begin to notice that you are without a date, passion, adventure, money and a sense of community, you begin to sell out our ideas, which you promised yourself to keep while you were away traveling with your friends. Soon, you begin to take your frustration out by beating off in your room (which you've missed for quit sometime). chat rooms, keeping up with your myspace friends or facebook community, watching television, eating unhealthy, driving your car, talking to your friends about nothing fun or exciting.
Suddenly, you feel compelled to go shopping at the mall, buying stuff you don't need. After all that shopping you still feel incomplete. So you find other things to keep yourself from thinking about how miserable your life has become. Your newly found independence don't bring you sex and passion, you begin to wonder what you've done wrong.
While away, you felt beautiful and important, now you begin to wonder if you meet up to the standards of the dating pool, so then you begin to compete with others around you. But you notice that you are lagging behind. You can't speak of anything dumb or stupid, so you talk about your car or your ipod or that a particular store in the mall that has your favorite clothes. You try to pretend that these things really matter, your lie is the best of you, but you want to get laid so bad, so you pretend to fit in.
While deep inside, you want to find a place, where you can be alone to cry.............cry about how you have become a different person, but yet you have no one who can relate to you. You cry because you know that all you have seen and experience don't a mean with those around you. It brings nothing to your friends and those you want to fuck. So you begin to hide your pictures, your travel journals and you slowly begin to stop talking to those you met abroad, because speaking to them only brings you pain. So you tell yourself that its time to move on and accept the reality that you are really happy to be home!
You suddenly become a stranger in your hometown. You try to keep an upbeat attitude even a positive attitude only to find yourself getting frustrated trying to maintain that smile of yours, trying to maintain that sense of freedom and independence you've learned being away from home. You spend your days and nights alone, your cell phone is not ringing, your door bell is never rung and you check and re-check your emails every hour to every half-hour to every twenty minutes to ten minutes to five minutes to three minutes to two minutes to one to seconds until you stayed glued to the screen in front of you, hoping that something will change in your sad life. But nothing has changed?
Soon, you begin to notice that you are without a date, passion, adventure, money and a sense of community, you begin to sell out our ideas, which you promised yourself to keep while you were away traveling with your friends. Soon, you begin to take your frustration out by beating off in your room (which you've missed for quit sometime). chat rooms, keeping up with your myspace friends or facebook community, watching television, eating unhealthy, driving your car, talking to your friends about nothing fun or exciting.
Suddenly, you feel compelled to go shopping at the mall, buying stuff you don't need. After all that shopping you still feel incomplete. So you find other things to keep yourself from thinking about how miserable your life has become. Your newly found independence don't bring you sex and passion, you begin to wonder what you've done wrong.
While away, you felt beautiful and important, now you begin to wonder if you meet up to the standards of the dating pool, so then you begin to compete with others around you. But you notice that you are lagging behind. You can't speak of anything dumb or stupid, so you talk about your car or your ipod or that a particular store in the mall that has your favorite clothes. You try to pretend that these things really matter, your lie is the best of you, but you want to get laid so bad, so you pretend to fit in.
While deep inside, you want to find a place, where you can be alone to cry.............cry about how you have become a different person, but yet you have no one who can relate to you. You cry because you know that all you have seen and experience don't a mean with those around you. It brings nothing to your friends and those you want to fuck. So you begin to hide your pictures, your travel journals and you slowly begin to stop talking to those you met abroad, because speaking to them only brings you pain. So you tell yourself that its time to move on and accept the reality that you are really happy to be home!
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