It was about two weeks ago, I contacted family and friends to inform them that I was alive, safe and sane in New Brunswick, Canada. A sigh of relief came through, especially with my mother who dearly called the Red Cross, The US Embassy in London, probably the F.B.I and the C.I.A and other government agencies just to know if her son was one of the victims of that terrorist attack. However, that terrorist attack proved one thing, that there's still love between me and my family, though, the return of normalcy begins to take place.This is called the normalcy of worry: about the realities of money, or lack thereof, not having a job or a career, being single, no direction and optimistically having so many great ideas, but no funds to support them. The truth is that I have become a bum, and like most bums having many stories to tell, about adventures and about people along the way and not having a single place called home. Basically, this bum is homeless. I had to ask my friends and family to lend me money, because I made some (okay, several) critical errors on my finances and risky adventures across Europe. I can already hear them saying "what the fuck was he thinking?" So, I can pretend to be outgoing, independent, adventurous and not living the typical working life of my relatives or friends. However, these same people with their ordinary lives(whom I without shame can critique their existence) seem to be there for me when I fail to meet up to even my own standards.
Please Observe the following and say`what the fuck!` after each entry:
1) I went from having $5,000 dollars to $200 dollars
2) I could go be a school teacher? I really don't have a place to live
3) Take a temporary job and get treated like shit?
4) Realize my ideas of living are not giving me a permanent address?
Should I stop exploring the world? Should I settle down and follow the rules of life? Help me!
6 comments:
I think it's often the people who live inside the "rules of life" that are the ones who ultimately change them, based on envy from those who live outside the "rules". One thing I'm discovering lately is the fact that these rules are mutable, fluid, and they change to fit each person's own situation. I once (a long time ago) lived a life such as that; outside the rules. And like others, had no money to speak of, no place to call 'home', and seemingly no direction. Now, while I love the sense of freedom and abondonment, my inner "responsible adult" was screaming at me to get a job, find a place to live, and "grow the fuck up".
So I did.
I busted my ass, worked ungodly hours, and lived "inside the rules". Am I better off now for it? From a financial standpoint, maybe, ok, yes. From an emotional standpoint? Not even close. The problem with living in the rules is that they eventually consume you, devouring your ambition and forcing you to conform.
I think the trick is to find a balance; a happy medium between being financially secure, and happy with how your life is. Most people dread their jobs, or at the very best, tolerate them. They understand it's a necessary evil in order to have the other things they want; i.e., food, money, a place to lives, clothes, trips, etc. Balancing the two is the tough part.
Being that I have been on both ends of this sprectrum, I'm in no better a position that you. Perhaps you should find a job that allows you to do the things you love? A temporary job only has to be as temporary as you want it to be. Maybe you can find something that will last you until you discover what it is you want to do next.
Then again, what the hell do I know?
Thanks for the comment, DB!
Finding balance is probably the best thing I should find. In fact, two days after I wrote this depressing entry, a few friends called me up to tell me about job/career opportunities and several places to live. These good friends even mentioned several ideas of starting a business or how to something of ourselves.
Though with these great positive changes of events, I still have to face the music with family and friends who were critical of my lifestyle of traveling and not living by the rules. I will smile and nod my head, give them hugs and shake their hands and return to the life, which makes me happy.
Hey Sid,
The "normalcy of worry" is also called "love." Cherish it. Some say there are two kinds of people in this world: those who have love and those looking for love.
On exploring the world and being a bum: From someone who knows 'generally' were I belong the world (subject of work, that is): some of the most interesting people i've met are older people who still don't know what their place in the world is, and in some sense still wandering the world. The difference between a "bum" and these people are the "bums" have stopped looking for their place in this world, while these interesting people are passionately searching for it.
vasu
Hey Sid,
The "normalcy of worry" is also called "love." Cherish it. Some say there are two kinds of people in this world: those who have love and those looking for love.
On exploring the world and being a bum: From someone who knows 'generally' were I belong the world (subject of work, that is): some of the most interesting people i've met are older people who still don't know what their place in the world is, and in some sense still wandering the world. The difference between a "bum" and these people are the "bums" have stopped looking for their place in this world, while these interesting people are passionately searching for it.
Man, keep following your dreams. You only go through this adventure called life once and you do not watch to reach old manhood and wish that you had done what you are doing. When I finished college I wanted to what you are doing but succumbed to the pressures of a job. Now at 58 I hope to still do it and that the Lord will allow me to do it or some of what you are doing. BTW, you have quite a bit of potential as a writer and perhaps one day you will find yourself doing exactly that, which can be a different form of teaching.
yo sid
You aiight! shit when you are on a path, you dont even realize it in the heat of the battle. just be glad you have virtues, are open minded and as Eminem (my favorite rapper) said....." I WOULD HAVE DONE MORE SHIT THAN PEOPLE SAID THAT I SHOULDNT ".
Nothing is more important than inner peace. You cant help anybody until you are stable (whatever that means). You will have memories and stories that will last a lifetime. Imagine if you just worked one job all that time you suppossedly wasted on a job you hate. THAT is wasting time my friend because there is no guarantee you would have turned out better. Do what works for you. Ignorance is bliss but some of us decide to live, learn, and suffer for it. Keep striving my brother now you can teach because you have learned.
MTG
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